Confessions of a Woman, Maryanne Samy, Egypt

My first confession The day: January 17

The year: 2016 It’s 5:16 am my time I am waking up from a nightmare right now I haven’t been a good “woman” in society here I have repelled every social norm, I broke every rule And I confess now that the worst drawback in my country is … Fear I am afraid, of everything, almost all the time, I’ve got a lot of phobias, from heights, from closed places…. etc. I wake up now with a fear of being cheated on by my boyfriend, fear of not being feminine enough or stable enough or smart enough… they have taught me this many times in the past, when I was a little girl, I don’t remember what age exactly, but it was definitely single digits, they taught me that girls are never ever going to be enough, that a man can have 4 wives, and it will still not be enough. فسبحان الذي سواه من ضوء ومن فحم رخيص نحن سوانا     My guilty confession Still the year 2016 11:36 am my time The sound of my heels walking through some institution I’m a female, I should work hard to neutralize this -so called in my country- genetic defect But in a male dominated society.. I don’t really need much of this if I am beautiful Back to the sound of my heels People stare inappropriately, others make way, someone stands up to give me his seat In my country, they teach boys that being a real man means he should have a strong sexual drive So after several sexual harassments when I was young, I learned to walk in an intimidating, yet such tempting manner, that no one can resist, yet they are afraid to touch Now I’ve passed the long line, found a seat, finished my papers early because the young unmarried employee wanted to show maximum efficiency while I’m watching وسبحان الذي يمحو خطاياهُ ولا يمحو خطايانا